Well... There was supposed to be a lot of content between now and 348 days ago. I'll surmise to say, a lot happened. A whole fucking lot.
Let's clear the air, ETK Compute as a business is now dormant, many contributing factors up to and including a boat being stuck in a narrow body of water for an extended period of time, conveniently chock full of computer components hot off the press and NOT in customer hand's.
Rest assured because the fires of industry are not being stoked, does not mean that fuel isn't stockpiled, billows slowly collecting dust occasionally need to be given a few good pumps, anvils and tools still oiled to remain seasoned for the next favorable chaotic storm that induces a fever dream of from the hip engineering.
In the famous words of one of my favorite UK Garage artist's Mike Skinner AKA The Streets, "let's push things forward". I work at Amazon now, located about 7 minutes from my current residence is a sort center that was in need of OpsTech Technicians. It was a joyous occasion to slip out of small business owner to full time employee on someone else's tax sheets. I have found that working in an industrial environment is far more forgiving for sharp words, borderline hostile interactions, and in the end teamwork that "delivers results." It's amazing how someone else's words on paper under the guise of "Leadership Principles" create a framework that close to a million people follow, and those who follow it with an almost cult like fervor appear to rise the ranks amicably, and get shit done. I actively participate in the site's happenings and try to contribute to the ramshackle hodgepodge community we have built, though it is dysfunctional isn't anywhere near as horrific as I hear of other facilities.
The team I work with is a ragtag band of characters one would see in a storied workplace, I fill the spot of average performing, newly hired, salty veteran of the industry (Let's clear the air, Chaotic Good alignment). There is no bright young doe eyed innocent among us, the tech industry has long since thrown that cliché into a meat grinder in an environment where like the Gila monster will eat their own young. I currently have the 1800-0230 shift, and coming home to a dark house, a meal that has long since cooled and is plated to microwave, and 4 more days to go until "Friday" which is actually Thursday, but you wake up mid day Friday, but your true day among the living is Saturday, and Sunday until you head to work. It's harsh. Your friends and family will kindly... but definitely vocally express their discontent with the situation. Seeing my son before he heads to "School" and then when he gets home only briefly to say "I lava you" and beep the horn twice as I set sail to work, and a customary Facetime before bed at 2000 is difficult and taxing, but the goalpost is set and once there we will reach the ending like we the Oregon Trail generation saw at the end of the game IF you were lucky and the teacher was hungover and let recess go that extra damned 20 minutes.
I continue to work on sobriety, it's a wet hot mess that you keep pushing the boulder up the hill and hope the greek gods don't gust the wind and induce horrific panic attacks, bouts of hopelessness, feelings of guilt, and inadequacy wrapped in notions of toxic masculinity of being "weak". Like Amazon says... "It's always Day 1!" (shitty sarcastic toothy smile included). I have a coworker who will remain nameless save that they too ride the rollercoaster and we've formed a "co-sponsor" environment wherein we can ceaselessly bitch to one another at 0430 about the all encompassing (but what most likely is keeping me from de-railing completely) shit show that can be "Fulfillment", and delightful topics including key low points in addiction, why meetings can be a joke, and not wanting to poop in other people's houses.
I do promise to update more frequently, as I have nothing but time when I get off work until it is appropriate to sleep, and said coworker who I bitch to at 0430 occasionally sleeps like those we deem "normal".
I will update now however on a proactive and positive sentiment that has been growing in me. I've been getting back to a headspace much like my formative teenage self, where I had nothing but time, headphones, an endless MP3 collection and a will to open some unlocked consciousness I swore/still swear is somewhere within my carapace. The major changes being the entire planet's musical offerings in lossless high definition format unlocked for a nominal fee, and the headphones being ridiculously expensive and high definition and no one prying my jaw open and cramming adderall down my throat because my "impulse control is better when you take it". I've been slowly combing through my library and almost by definition hearing familiar songs for their first time. Crazy shit. I'm currently knee deep in a toss between TOOL and some Frankie Knuckles B sides, drastically different categories, but hot damn, some serious fun to be had.
On that note,
I embrace my desire to Feel the rhythm, to feel connected Enough to step aside and weep like a widow To feel inspired To fathom the power To witness the beauty To bathe in the fountain To swing on the spiral To swing on the spiral to
Swing on the spiral Of our divinity And still be a human.
See you next time Space Cowboy.