Updated: May 11
In a more vulnerable moment, I linked my haphazard bashings into an expensive keyboard to close friends and relatives, expecting to be readily dismissed by the all powerful anxiety inducing "Read" text indicator, or just altogether not replied to, as deemed necessary by the cursory social function of being good friends, and passively telling one another to "fuck off, I am busy."
or "this is trash, please don't make me tell you that."
Some people loved it.
Some people liked it.
Some acknowledged they read it.
My grandmother said: "Interesting, you always have a way with words"
I think someone has my number blocked, I'm not going to bother up opening that can of worms.
So I'll persist, as any good place to cope and seethe in a storm is better than swearing loudly at innocent bystanders in a parking lot, it may seem funny to hear someone yelling fuck in increasingly higher notes but I can assure you it's taxing on the vocal cords and psyche.
This imagery hopefully segues directly to my topic, which is Losing your shit, Owning it, and Ownership.
Losing your shit is a verb, it's a deeply rooted visceral reaction to any variation of stimuli either self inflicted or applied by other forces and can happen much more quickly if both variables of self and external are in play. I have seen people be the most "real" they will ever be in a moment of utter absofuckinglute deeply intimate shit losing. There is no realer interaction between a married couple than when one party is knee deep in the dead of losing it over something and the spouse is trying to avoid catastrophic damage to personal property, their own psyche, nearby persons of interest either being the cause of, or innocent bystanders, and most importantly making sure the police don't show up if the shit loser is an adult male, as that is generally how one enters the "detained for questioning" subroutine.
Let's put "Losing your shit" on a nice pedestal in a dark room and shine a really cool light on it, so that it's like the show piece of your trophy room. Visualize that if you will.
Let's walk over to Objective and Subjective thinking, two very important parts of "Losing your shit". Objective thinking loosely defined is the basic concept of applying rationale to a situation and acting on that, subjective thinking also very loosely defined is not using rationale in a situation and acting on feeling. When written like this, one is want to scratch their chin and apply The Feel Good About Ones Self, I Never Do That Thing That Sounds Lesser Than The Other Filter*.
I have bad news reader: YOU ARE FUCKING LYING.
You are not the trusty Vulcan sidekick on a spaceship in a Galaxy Far Far Away**.
I can earnestly say as the flawed individual I am, I have gone utterly fucking batshit psycho in a rage over something that didn't give me feelgoods. It's ok, we all do it. It's a common practice to "own something" rather than have "ownership" the distinct difference is "owning something" means you are emotionally invested, it is a thing you are passionate about and be damned the least slight or perceived wrong against this all consuming important piece of identity you have assumed and you are subjectively protective. Ownership is similar in that you have invested in something, and will grow and protect it as needed, but at the objective sign of zero sum or net loss it is done away with and considered either a lesson, an enjoyable happening that has now ended, or a burden carried to it's understandable ending. It has long since been foreign to me that "owning something" in the workplace is even a viable mode of behavior, I once had a manager sitting in a Network Operations Center, stand his every so intimidating 5'5 frame in a broad shouldered stance and spend 10 minutes on a diatribe about how Starbucks is shit coffee, when the conversation started with "I don't mind Starbucks Coffee, I used to work there. It tastes like a familiar time." god bless Robert, I learned so much about "owning it" from him. Calling my personal phone number on one of the rare days off I got to confront me about some trivial misquote where he could be perceived as calling me "stupid", when what he really meant was "that I acted stupid in a situation". You could not get days off from Robert, you got "days Robert wasn't intensely trying to pry a crowbar into your eye socket to get closer to your brain so he could scream about how coffee he liked was better" and it might reverberate off your cortex so you understood Five9's worth of comprehension. (Unlike uptime, he couldn't make that better.)
Let's go 'roud the bend to Ownership. What I like about my current employer is that Ownership and being passionate are dance partners, who if your team is coming correctly to the table will permit the ballet to continue, but if they stop "Leaving Room For Jesus" at slow dance, Prom ends and no one's getting an awkward handy in the limo. You will work to death, or the bitter end but in a company of near a million, it is a trivial pursuit past near death or bitter end. This is objective thinking at it's finest because the intense wastefulness of coffee crowbar drama doesn't make money, and no money is not an option. I'll chase a problem and "Dive Deep" like God Uncle Jeff suggests, but my team thankfully either has the knowledge ahead of me, or the objective rationale to hit me with a "Smart Bat***" for wasting time, talking too much, or generally just being subjectively Michael.
I wrapped that up neatly into how I like my job and my team. That was quaint.
*The Feel Good About Ones Self, I Never Do That Thing That Sounds Lesser Than The Other Filter is also known as:
"Full of Shit"
**If you caught this at the time of reading, you will distinctly know that Worf would hand Han Solo and Chewie their ass.
***This doesn't exist, I made it up. I wish they made them though. It would allow you to beat someone around the head for the benefit of all.