The Creative Process

So my writing process goes something like this.

I work nights, so I start my day at 3PM. I run the standard subroutines to meet the needs of being a parent and spouse, and then proceed onward to The Social Contract. When I get into the car and am headed to work, I have 7 minutes of "free" thinking. Being a clinically diagnosed Asshole, I think of something cynical, sarcastic, and upsetting to write about, then I walk into work and throughout the course of the night, through interaction with others, and time spent doing tasks, I begin to slowly temper what I thought would be Totally Fucking Awesome, and unpack something that could've been intrinsically hilarious to me, but would a broader audience see it through the lens I do?

When I started this process, I came to the understanding with myself that given our current technological achievement and age, tied to this website, which I own in my actual name, posting with my real identity I am effectively making a permanent statement. I hate the notion of the "dirty delete" and I can't really stomach the idea that at a moments notice of the first signs of disapproval I would press the delete key and try to scratch from the record a statement I made.

That's not authentic, that's pandering to popular appeal. What's the point if you dilute what you are saying? Is that even really a creative process or just puking out shit an eighth grader would find hilarious?

Part of the process for me is the statement, "When I press publish will this be authentic? Is this something if put on public display in front of thousands of people I could stand next to it and aside from the natural inclination to want to crawl in a hole and die from that much attention could I look them in the eyes?"

By the end of that thought process as I am getting in my car for the 7 minute drive home, I have either completely thrown away an idea, or it's sticking and getting picked apart further to get smashed in a cacophony of clicky key noises onto the screen.

This is my secret way of telling you that I wrote a really long post, reread it and realized it was a shit heap.